Bridges: Making Meaningful Connections
Ch. 1 Making a Case for Interpersonal Communication
We limit our interpersonal relationships when we divide the world into in-groups (us, “our kind”) and out-groups (them, “not like us”), yet in reality, we are much more alike than different. By widening our circle of interpersonal relationships, we boost overall health and well-being and are better able to cope with stress: the slings and arrows we all experience in everyday life.
Ch. 2 I Already Know Who You Are
So much information bombards us in our complex society that we must categorize our world in order to function. Yet we may make grave errors when we stereotype and “totalize” as it limits our receptivity to others. We make the fundamental attribution error when we engage in the pointless activity of trying to explain why people do what they do. Rather than making snap judgments, we might cultivate a “wait-and-see” approach -- people are multi-layered and complex (as we are!)
Ch. 3 And This is Me…
How you see yourself is infinitely telling in how you’ll perceive others. A gap between the self and ideal self can drive a number of negative perceptions, as can certain personality traits. The roles we play and the power of situations also shape behaviors. Sometimes people are forever changed after a traumatic event and their openness to interpersonal relationships diminishes. You can’t force an outcome and need to cultivate the ability to just let it be.
Ch. 4 Communicating from the Inside Out
Our perceptions shape our realities -- sometimes even fueling self-fulfilling prophecies. At times the thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming that we self-medicate and “numb out” in a variety of ways, but the quick fix never lasts. It is crucial to examine the “truth” of our stories and question maladaptive beliefs so that we are able to transcend our stories and be free of past baggage and future worries.
Ch. 5 Please Listen to Me
Although we’ve been listening our whole lives, many of us have developed “mindless listening” habits, which can have extreme negative effects on our relationships. The key to “mindful listening” is cultivating the ability to be fully present and in the moment when listening to another. It’s the greatest gift we can give to a partner, friend, or loved one. Several strategies are shared.
Ch. 6 Round and Round in Intimate Relationships
In our closest relationships, we have the opportunity to speak our truths, let down our guards, reveal ourselves, and cultivate unconditional love. The journey begins with self-disclosure, yet we can only share what we’re willing to see. Over time, problematic communication patterns surface as we bring old stories, expectations, and family-of-origin influences into play. Many strategies are shared to successfully navigate through these conflicts.
Ch. 7 Who, Me…Difficult?!
We all experience “difficult people.” We’re quick to point the finger at them as the reason for our misery and waste a lot of time, generating endless mental chatter in asking the “why” questions. Did you ever stop to think that you might be someone else’s “difficult person”? This chapter identifies a spectrum of “difficult people,” as in extreme cases, it is pointless to expect a civil, reasonable meeting of the minds. We can’t change them, but we can change our reactions to their behavior.
Ch. 8 When Everyone Around You Acts Like a 5-Year-Old
Unresolved childhood wounds often show up in interpersonal conflicts, in those hot-button issues of feeling abandoned, unnoticed, “not good enough,” etc. We vary widely in our connection to these issues, often even within the same family. Some respond by craving attention from others (fusers) while others distance themselves (isolators). We learn problematic communication patterns from our first role models, so strategies to manage family communication issues are shared.
Ch. 9 And That’s Why They Call It Work
Nearly everyone we encounter at work drags their little satchel of hurt wherever they go. You never know when you might stumble over someone’s trigger and have yours exploded as well. We have enormous power in how we choose to respond to stress. We can argue with reality, or cultivate the ability to change what we can: namely, our thoughts and perceptions. It’s essential to take responsibility for our behavior and increase work satisfaction by playing to our strengths.
Ch. 10 Extending Your Hand
Certainly, there are power dynamics that are cruel, hurtful and damaging deal-breakers. Cultivating unconditional love doesn’t mean that you have no boundaries. Several strategies are shared for responding to power dynamics, managing debilitative emotions, letting go of expectations and judgments.
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